How Money Talk Can Transform Your Marriage and Retirement
Identifying and understanding 5 simple marriage money talk steps you can take to improve your understanding of finances within a marriage and work towards a common goal.
Money is one of the most contentious parts of any marriage. Today, I’m diving into a crucial topic: How can money talk transform your marriage and your retirement? In this episode I lay out five steps you can take to have better money talks with your spouse and re-visit a few moments from past episodes of “Retirement Revealed” where my guests illustrate these steps in a powerful way.
The Interconnection of Money and Marriage
Recently, I read an article in AARP magazine emphasizing the importance of open and transparent discussions about money within marriage. Your thoughts, feelings, and behavior about money are deeply intertwined with your thoughts, feelings, and behavior about your marriage–even your spouse. Let’s get into the 5 steps you can take to improve money talks in your marriage.
Step 1: Think of Your Own Goals
Art & Sarah Rainer, “How to Talk with Your Spouse About Money” Episode 124 of Retirement Revealed
Our first guests, Art and Sarah Rainer, highlight the importance of taking time to discover your own money and life goals. It’s essential to start with how you feel about money and where you see yourself in the future. Understanding your personal financial aspirations is the foundation of effective money talks.
Step 2: Learn the Money Story of Your Spouse
Art & Sarah Rainer, “How to Talk with Your Spouse About Money” Episode 124 of Retirement Revealed
Art and Sarah also discuss the significance of learning your spouse’s money story. Everyone has a unique financial background shaped by their experiences growing up. For instance, did your spouse’s parents talk openly about money, or was it a volatile subject? Knowing this background helps you understand why they think the way they do about finances and what they are aiming for.
Art shared a poignant story about a gentleman who was adopted and had a profound fear of abandonment. This fear influenced his financial behavior, making him overly generous to ensure others didn’t feel abandoned like he did. Understanding such stories can provide profound insights into your spouse’s financial decisions and priorities.
Step 3: Understand it May be Hard to Talk About Money for Personal or Societal Reasons
Marcia Mantell, “Retirement Planning for Women” Episode 181 of Retirement Revealed
Not everyone finds it easy to talk about money. Marcia Mantell explains that societal norms and personal experiences can make money a difficult topic for many, especially women. Despite the progress in talking openly about health and other personal matters, money remains a taboo subject for many.
Marcia recommends addressing this issue by understanding and acknowledging that it might be challenging for your spouse to talk about money. You can make this easier by breaking the silence around money and approaching the topic with empathy and patience.
Step 4: Openly Set up Different Funds
Marcia Mantell, “Retirement Planning for Women” Episode 181 of Retirement Revealed
You don’t always have to manage finances together, but transparency is key. Marcia shares a personal story about setting up her “Freedom Fund,” which allowed her to save enough money to quit her corporate job and start her own business. This fund provided her with the independence and power to make significant life changes.
Discussing and possibly setting up individual accounts can give both partners a sense of autonomy while ensuring that financial goals are met. This approach requires open communication and mutual respect for each other’s financial needs and desires.
Step 5: Work With a Couple-Friendly Advisor
Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, “Women, Money, and Power: Why It’s Time to Break Your Money Silence” Episode 34 of Retirement Revealed
Our final expert, Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, talks about the importance of working with a couple-friendly advisor. It’s crucial to find an advisor who understands and respects the dynamics of working with couples. Kathleen suggests asking potential advisors about their approach to working with couples and ensuring they include both partners in all communications.
She emphasizes that even if one partner is less involved, it’s important for both to be informed and feel valued in the financial planning process. This can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both partners are on the same page regarding their financial future.
Conclusion
Planning for retirement isn’t just about crunching numbers; it’s about understanding how you and your spouse feel about money and working together to achieve your financial goals. The five steps we’ve discussed can help you transform your marriage through effective money talks:
- Think of your own goals
- Learn the money story of your spouse
- Understand it may be hard to talk about money for personal or societal reasons
- Openly set up different funds
- Work with a couple-friendly advisor.
If you’re interested in learning more, I’m giving away copies of books by our featured experts to the first three people who email me at podcast@keilfp.com. These books include “Breaking Money Silence” by Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, “Retirement Planning for Women” by Marcia Mantell, and “The Marriage Challenge” by Art Rainer.
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Additional Links:
- Art & Sarah Rainer, “How to Talk with Your Spouse About Money” Episode 124 of Retirement Revealed
- Marcia Mantell, “Retirement Planning for Women” Episode 181 of Retirement Revealed
- Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, “Women, Money, and Power: Why It’s Time to Break Your Money Silence” Episode 34 of Retirement Revealed
- “Breaking Money Silence” by Kathleen Burns Kingsbury
- “Retirement Planning for Women” by Marcia Mantell
- “The Marriage Challenge” by Art Rainer
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