Widows Rising Together: Turning Grief into Goals with Lynn Banis

Learn how to turn your grief into goals in order to make the most of your next chapter in life.

Today’s episode of Retirement Revealed touched on something deeply personal and profoundly moving. My guest, Lynn Banis, shared her story of navigating a series of heartbreaking losses: her mother, brother, dog, and husband, all within a short span of time. For anyone, that’s a staggering amount of grief to process. Yet, through it all, Lynn found a way to rebuild her life and find a new purpose.

It’s a journey that many face, especially in retirement, when life can take unexpected turns. Retirement is often painted as a time of relaxation, but for Lynn, it became a period of profound transformation, starting with a hurricane and a broken hip.

Caring for Her Mother: A Labor of Love

Lynn’s journey into this new chapter began when her 100-year-old mother faced a life-threatening hurricane. Lynn asked her brother to bring their mother to safety, but a fall led to a broken hip, a major setback for anyone, let alone someone of her age. At that moment, Lynn became her mother’s primary caregiver until she passed at the remarkable age of 106.

What stands out here is not just the care that Lynn provided but the fulfillment she found in fulfilling a promise she had made long ago: to never let her mother be alone. “It was a blessing for both of us,” she shared. In that space, amidst the challenges of caregiving, Lynn found purpose. Her retirement took on a new meaning as she honored her commitment to her mother, a relationship that shaped her identity during this difficult time.

The Weight of Multiple Losses

Within three years, Lynn lost her mother, her brother, and then her husband. These were not the ordinary transitions into the golden years of retirement but rather a succession of grief. Her husband’s death, in particular, hit the hardest, coming unexpectedly and leaving her in a state of shock. As she described returning home to an empty house, it’s easy to imagine the profound loneliness and confusion she felt.

Lynn shared something so many can relate to: brain fog. This sense of disorientation, where even simple tasks become difficult and decision-making seems impossible, is common in the grieving process. “I always tell my clients not to make any big decisions for at least a year,” she advised, pointing to the risk of making life-altering choices during this period when your mind is not thinking clearly. And yet, she admits she didn’t follow her own advice.

The Healing Power of Action

Despite her own advice to wait, Lynn found herself downsizing her home. She moved, sold her house, and embarked on a new chapter. The busyness of moving kept her distracted, but her body eventually sent her a message to slow down. After settling into her new home, Lynn fell ill, a sign that her grief and exhaustion had caught up with her.

But this period of illness also led to an epiphany. In the quiet moments, Lynn realized that she had a new purpose—one built from her experiences of loss. Rather than letting the grief define her, she decided to use it as a catalyst for helping others. As she said, “I don’t care how old I am. I’ve been through this several times. I can help other people.” And so, she began her new venture of supporting widows and others through their own journeys of grief.

Finding Purpose in a New Reality

One of the most powerful insights Lynn shared was how she, and others like her, have to grapple with losing not just loved ones but also the future they had envisioned. Retirement is often seen as a time of freedom and joy, but when the future you planned is no longer possible, you’re left asking, “What now?”

Lynn spoke about the importance of finding a new purpose. This isn’t just about “moving on” but about actively creating something new from the ashes of loss. For her, it meant realizing that she still had so much to offer. “You need to find your purpose. What are you all about? What sets you on fire?” she asked. These are questions that anyone facing a major life transition can relate to.

For Lynn, it became clear that she wanted to help others who were struggling with loss, especially widows. She noted that many widows struggle with their identity after losing their spouse, feeling stuck in the label of “widow.” Lynn encourages them to redefine themselves as individuals with a new life ahead of them. “You’re not just a widow; you’re a single person now, with the opportunity to create your life,” she explained.

Creating a New Identity and Legacy

Lynn’s story is one of hope. Even after tremendous loss, she found a way to honor both her past and her future. She talked about creating an environment that supports who you want to be, surrounding yourself with people and things that nurture your new identity. It’s a reminder that even after loss, there is still room for growth, purpose, and joy.

As a psychologist and coach, Lynn now helps others do the same. She helps them align their values and beliefs, quiet their negative self-talk, and open their minds to new possibilities. In doing so, they begin to see a clear vision of the life they want to build moving forward.

Lynn’s story is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Even in the face of profound loss, she found a way to create something new—something meaningful. And in doing so, she’s not only rebuilt her own life but is helping others to do the same.

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If Lynn’s story resonates with you and you’re looking for support in your own retirement or transition, feel free to reach out. At Keil Financial Partners, we’re here to help you navigate life’s unexpected changes and create a plan for a fulfilling and purposeful retirement. 

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Additional Links:

• Contact Lynn Banis – lbanis@ameritech.net 
• Widows Rising Together – Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61567127332821 

Connect With Jeremy Keil:

• Keil Financial Partners
• LinkedIn: Jeremy Keil
• Facebook: Jeremy Keil
• LinkedIn: Keil Financial Partners
• YouTube: Retirement Revealed
• Book an Intro Call with Jeremy’s Team

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