How to Talk with Your Spouse About Money With Sarah and Art Rainer

February 14, 2023 | ,

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Summary:

[124] – Money is often the source of friction in relationships.

In this episode, Jeremy Keil speaks with Art Rainer and Sarah Rainer about their work helping couples get on the same page about their finances and align their goals together. Together, they discuss how couples can decide on their financial goals by thinking about their short-term and long-term goals.

Art and Sarah discuss:

  • What it means to give generously, save wisely and live appropriately
  • How to come to and agree on your financial goal as a couple
  • Why telling your money story is important for couples who have a financial and non-financial partner dynamic
  • What couples can do to get the money conversation going correctly
  • Why non-financial partners need to take a stand and be part of the discussion around finances, and how they can do so
  • And more

How to Talk with Your Spouse About Money

Give Generously, Save Wisely, and Live Appropriately

When it comes to talking about finances, the goals to give generously, save wisely, and live appropriately are three areas that can cause a lot of discourse between couples.

If you or your partner are generally generous people, then giving generously is an excellent place to begin. Having a giving heart is important in both finances and relationships.

Obviously, saving wisely is a good idea. Everyone wants to save wisely, especially when planning for their future.

Living appropriately means managing your resources in a way that takes care of your needs but also leverages those resources to help others.

Agreeing On A Financial Goal

Not every couple has the same financial goals in common. Not everyone wants to achieve the same goal, but that doesn’t have to cause discourse.

Arguments around goal setting are usually caused by a lack of communication and understanding of your partner’s goals and their money story.

To come to an agreement, couples need to think both short-term and long-term to help them decide what their overall goal is. Asking each other where we want to see ourselves in 5, 10, and even 50 years from now and how can we prioritize our money to meet those milestones along the way is a great starting point to figure out what money means to you, where you want to go with it, and ultimately get the conversation started.

Everyone’s financial goals are different because we all have different money stories and personalities. Your money story is your experience with money while growing up. Our experiences with money can have a profound impact on how we view our finances.

To learn more about talking about your money story with your partner, check out Art Rainer’s book, The Marriage Challenge, which takes you on a journey to a financially healthy marriage.

The Financial and Non-Financial Partner Dynamic

The financial and non-financial partner dynamics are often related to the different money stories and money personalities in many couples.

While this dynamic is common and normal, if one partner is completely excluded from the financial conversation, it’s not healthy. Both partners need to participate in setting their financial goals as a couple and in continuing the conversation.

This difference between partners can often be related to the difference in their financial experiences while growing up. Their goals, what they think about money, and also how interested they are in the subject matter can differ largely. What’s important is starting the conversation.

Starting The Conversation About Finances

How can you start the conversation without turning it into an argument with your partner?

If your finances are a hot-button topic in your relationship, you and your partner should create separate lists of your financial goals that you will share together. Take time to review your list with each other and talk over its importance.

Think about your financial goals and where you see yourself in 5, 10, and 50 years from now, then come back and share your lists to begin the conversation, as we suggested above. Taking the time to think about it separately before starting the conversation and understanding that you may not agree on each other’s goals can reduce the chance that the conversation will turn into an argument and help you understand each other’s “why.”

Making Sure Everyone Is Included

If we jump back to the financial and non-financial partner dynamic, we said that both partners need to participate in their financial goals and financial discussions, but how can you make sure that the non-financial partner is included?

The financial spouse can help include their non-financial partner with encouragement, explaining things to them, and welcoming their participation in the conversation.

Non-financial spouses can stand up for themselves and speak up if they feel excluded. It starts with asking questions – if you’re a non-financial spouse, you need to ask questions and think about what would happen if your partner, who is currently taking care of the finances, passes away.

You should think about what you need to know if your partner isn’t there to manage your finances anymore, and that can be a great starting point for a conversation because your spouse will hopefully recognize your concern and respond in love by starting to include you more.

Think about if your financial spouse were to pass away. What would happen then? And let that drive the conversation.

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To learn more about how you can make money a rallying cry instead of an argument in your relationship, check out the resources below!

If you have any questions, feel free to contact us or our guests, Drs. Art and Sarah Rainer, using the contact information provided below!

Resources:

Connect With Art Rainer:

Connect With Sarah Rainer:

Connect With Jeremy Keil:

About Our Guests:

Dr. Sarah Rainer has her masters and doctorate degrees in Clinical Psychology. She specializes in child and adolescent mental health and development. Sarah desires to help parents and families seek healthy relationships by leaning into Christ and family discipleship. She is a self-proclaimed geek when it comes to viewing clinical research through a biblical worldview. Sarah also serves in leadership at her church for women’s discipleship, and enjoys discipling other women. She enjoys being a guest writer, speaker, and podcaster for different organizations.

She and her husband, Art, are partnering with ChristianParenting.org to host their new podcast, Parenting and Pennies.

Dr. Art Rainer is the author of The Money Challenge and the host of The More Than Money Podcast. He is on a mission to help men and women discover god’s design for them and their money. He has written several books and articles discussing debt elimination, savings, retirement, building wealth, and income to help people get to a place where they are living and giving generously.

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This communication may include forward looking statements. Specific forward-looking statements can be identified by the fact that they do not relate strictly to historical or current facts and include, without limitation, words such as “may,” “will,” “expects,” “believes,” “anticipates,” “plans,” “estimates,” “projects,” “targets,” “forecasts,” “seeks,” “could’” or the negative of such terms or other variations on such terms or comparable terminology. These statements are not guarantees of future performance and involve risks, uncertainties, assumptions and other factors that are difficult to predict and that could cause actual results to differ materially.

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